I recently spent a weekend up in Seattle where I was able to visit a good friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in some time. During this trip, I met their personal circle of friends, partners, and tight-knit community. They all welcomed me the instant I arrived. The person I was visiting told me from the day I planned the trip that I would fit in perfectly with their circle, and they were absolutely correct. Everyone was so inviting, captivating, and drew me in to learn more about each of them. Despite this trip being my first experience staying in Seattle proper instead of the outskirts, I felt like I belonged.
As I explored downtown Seattle, saw an incredible performance by jazz artist Ravi Coltrane, and did some sightseeing, I felt right at home. Part of my magic practice over the past 6-8 months has been strongly focused on intuition and embodiment, especially since being with my current partner. This trip put those skills to the test, and my intuition told me this is where I need to be. My hope is to live in Seattle one day (resources allowing of course) and to engulf myself in the community I met over the weekend.
Why Community Matters
Community is an important aspect of our lives, especially for queer, neurodivergent, BIPOC, and disabled folks. As we live in a patriarchal, empire-driven system, there are many instances where communities get separated and we are forced to live individualistic lives. There is pride in being resourceful as an individual, but throughout history, tribal and clan-based communities were how we all survived. The classic proverb, “it takes a village to raise a child,” didn’t arise out of thin air. The article It Takes a Village to Raise a Child: Understanding and Expanding the Concept of the “Village” by Andrea Reupert et al. discusses the definitions of the village, family, and how important positive interactions contribute to the well-being of a child.
However, the village, in many countries today, is dissipated and fragmented and individuals are increasingly isolated and are not eager to ask for, or provide help to, others. Family breakdown, economic pressures, long working hours and increased mobility have all contributed to families feeling less connected to extended family members and others around them
(Reupert et al, 2022).
I personally experienced this disconnect to extended family in my upbringing, as my parents decided when I was born to move to a different state, away from my aunts, uncles, and cousins. This move towards isolation led to an enmeshment of my immediate family, where my brother and I experienced parentification for many years. These ingrained ideals grew stronger in a way that led me to substance abuse and mental health struggles despite being underage and as a young adult. Since transitioning over the past four years (celebrated my anniversary over the weekend, yay!) and finding reliable community, I’ve been able to process and work through many of these struggles.
What is Your Community?
Community does not always look like family members or even friends. Sometimes this shows through a monthly book club, annual clothing exchanges, or choosing to travel to a big city to visit a friend and discovering even more amazing people there. Everyone has a community in the world and it likely looks different for you than it does for other people.
Taking time to explore your area or find something interesting to you is often helpful for finding community. Sometimes you may be the one creating this space (assuming you have the spoons for that type of work) to bring people together. Regardless of where or what your community is, you are an important part of it. Every person deserves community and is important to how it functions.
Despite the extenuating circumstances of the world, community is how we find ourselves and the fire that drives us. Following patriarchy and empire through the lineage created thousands of years ago pushes us towards isolation and struggle. The desire for individuality and creating worth through productivity drives us to disregard ourselves and those around us. Focusing on working together, finding our community, and building a better foundation can lead us to healing and deconstructing the patriarchal nature that has been ingrained in all of us.
I highly recommend the book titled Witchcraft and the Gay Counterculture by Arthur Evans as a good start to deconstructing internalized empire. Even I am still very early in my journey of unlearning these instinctual thoughts, so I will likely have more to share as I continue forward. I hope we are all able to find the space where we belong in the world.